“Someday we’ll look back on this and it will all seem funny. But now you’re said, your Momma’s mad, and your Pappa says he know that I don’t have any money…” Bruce Springsteen, from the song “Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)” circa 1972
I don’t know exactly why, but when I began writing my ’07 wrap up article, that song (and particularly that verse) popped into my head. This may quite possibly be a sign that my mind is beginning to deteriorate, in which case I can look forward to more random moldy oldies playing on my inner iPod Shuffle. Or, it could be that it puts a nice punctuation point on the year that was.
If your livelihood (or investment portfolio) is even indirectly connected to residential real estate, I’m guessing that 2007 was not a banner year. I’m also going to guess that you’re glad to see it in the rearview mirror. And I can understand that. There’s an old saying that goes “Sometimes, in life, you feel like a Jackass in a wind storm. You just have to stand there and take it!” If the Springsteenian wisdom doesn’t do it for you, try that one on for size. But being the sickly sweet, optimistic, Pollyanna that I am, I’m going to miss the year soon to be known as “last”. Because in a lot of ways (at least for me) it was a really great one!
I came into ’07 with a healthy family, and I’m leaving it the same way. After that, everything else is small potatoes. While I’m no skinnier than I was a year ago, I’m no fatter! Less hair, yes, more wrinkly, sure, but no fatter! My wife still puts up with my bad jokes, and occasionally even laughs- I’m really not sure if she’s laughing at my jokes or my progressively balding wrinkling face- but hey, a laugh is a laugh!
None of my hometown sports teams did very well this year (I’m a diehard, loser, Philly fan) but I had the honor of coaching a great bunch of kids in flag football. And, I can still drag my middle aged butt up and down a basketball court two or three times a week. It ain’t pretty, but I can still do it.
The slow real estate market meant I was able to spend more time with my kids-always a good thing! I learned that a six year old boy never tires out, unless it’s time to do chores. I also learned that the definitions for “preteen girl” and “drama” are interchangeable.
My writing improved last year as well. Maybe not my creative ability, but certainly my grammar and sentence structure…well at least my grammar. I even had a reader patiently take the time to teach me how to properly conjugate the word “unequivocal”, while at a Christmas party last week (Thanks Sara!) Of course, I did have to go home and look up the word “conjugate”. Actually, Sara was quite complimentary of my work, and she’s just one of many who have come up to me and said nice things. That’s really made it a great year!
I love this community! And as In & Out extends its circulation all the way down to Happy Valley, I’ve gotten a chance to meet more and more really nice people. In a relatively short time, this year will be a distant memory, and I know that most of it will make me smile when I think back on it. But that’s just me, the sickly sweet, optimistic, Pollyanna with the thinning hair and wrinkles.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Dirty Sock Syndrome
I can’t think of many things that smell worse than a wet, dirty sock, Ok, maybe I can. Let’s see-a day-old diaper, the rat that died under the refrigerator, my aunt Mamie on a humid summer day… Anyway, a wet, dirty sock is pretty bad. And it’s worse if it’s being wafted through the duct system of your home, every time you run your air conditioning or heat. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to “Dirty Socks Syndrome”, hereafter referred to as DSS, to save me the time of typing it again.. All of a sudden, I've been getting a rash of emails from readers reporting that they have a stinky HVAC (heating, ventilation, and air conditioning) system. DSS might just be the culprit!
I was surprised when I recently discovered the phenomenon of DSS. After eliminating several of my own theories, I called Eric Nichols at Daisy Mountain AC, and he pointed me in the right direction. Just when I thought I knew everything, up pops yet another problem that requires me to do yet more reading and research! This research led me to the Residential Duct Systems Manual “D”, brought to you by your good friends at the Air Conditioning Contractors Association of America. (Actually, Eric faxed me the info but you don't have to know that) According to what I read, there isn't really a clear consensus on what causes this phenomenon. Some researchers contend that it is the result of biological contaminants that get sucked through your HVAC system. These microorganisms stick to the evaporator coil. Now here’s where things get a little sketchy. Many researchers say that DSS only occurs with electric heat! The problem with that is that the people writing me all have gas heat, AND were experiencing the stinkies in the summer, when the air conditioning was being used. So now I have to add my own wild and unconfirmed speculation. So here goes:
If your evaporator coil (you have at least one in your attic, trust me) gets dirty, then these microorganisms can gain a foothold. These guys already exist in the air and unless you have a better than average filtration system, it's just a matter of time before they coat the coil. Leaky duct work and infrequent filter changes will accelerate the contamination process. During monsoon season, we get a lot of humidity. The moisture works as plant food for these microorganisms. The nice warm environment that a summer attic provides, serves as a Petri dish. The only thing left is for you to turn on the AC. Now that nasty, stinky, mess gets wafted throughout your home. It's kind of like taking a teenager's dirty laundry hamper and attaching a blow dryer!
So, what do you do? The first thing is to have an HVAC professional come out and check it out. Do your due diligence so you don't get a fly-by-nighter trying to sell you a bunch of unnecessary add ons. A good evaporator coil cleaning should do the trick. If the guy recommends duct cleaning, get at least one other unbiased opinion. If the stink tends to come back, you might have leaky ducting. I really want to stress the importance of using a good company. If not, you could get taken to the cleaners!
A long term option might be a device that employs a broad spectrum high intensity UV light to kill the microorganisms. UV light has long been used in the food, air, and water industries as a method of killing nasty germs and bacteria. These guys can cost $700 or more, so (for the third time!) do your homework! And before you go and spend a bunch of money, make sure it's not something that crawled under the fridge!
I was surprised when I recently discovered the phenomenon of DSS. After eliminating several of my own theories, I called Eric Nichols at Daisy Mountain AC, and he pointed me in the right direction. Just when I thought I knew everything, up pops yet another problem that requires me to do yet more reading and research! This research led me to the Residential Duct Systems Manual “D”, brought to you by your good friends at the Air Conditioning Contractors Association of America. (Actually, Eric faxed me the info but you don't have to know that) According to what I read, there isn't really a clear consensus on what causes this phenomenon. Some researchers contend that it is the result of biological contaminants that get sucked through your HVAC system. These microorganisms stick to the evaporator coil. Now here’s where things get a little sketchy. Many researchers say that DSS only occurs with electric heat! The problem with that is that the people writing me all have gas heat, AND were experiencing the stinkies in the summer, when the air conditioning was being used. So now I have to add my own wild and unconfirmed speculation. So here goes:
If your evaporator coil (you have at least one in your attic, trust me) gets dirty, then these microorganisms can gain a foothold. These guys already exist in the air and unless you have a better than average filtration system, it's just a matter of time before they coat the coil. Leaky duct work and infrequent filter changes will accelerate the contamination process. During monsoon season, we get a lot of humidity. The moisture works as plant food for these microorganisms. The nice warm environment that a summer attic provides, serves as a Petri dish. The only thing left is for you to turn on the AC. Now that nasty, stinky, mess gets wafted throughout your home. It's kind of like taking a teenager's dirty laundry hamper and attaching a blow dryer!
So, what do you do? The first thing is to have an HVAC professional come out and check it out. Do your due diligence so you don't get a fly-by-nighter trying to sell you a bunch of unnecessary add ons. A good evaporator coil cleaning should do the trick. If the guy recommends duct cleaning, get at least one other unbiased opinion. If the stink tends to come back, you might have leaky ducting. I really want to stress the importance of using a good company. If not, you could get taken to the cleaners!
A long term option might be a device that employs a broad spectrum high intensity UV light to kill the microorganisms. UV light has long been used in the food, air, and water industries as a method of killing nasty germs and bacteria. These guys can cost $700 or more, so (for the third time!) do your homework! And before you go and spend a bunch of money, make sure it's not something that crawled under the fridge!
Santa V. The HOA
Dear Chris,
I really enjoy your column. I always learn something and get a chuckle at the same time. In fact, I read it to the elves during break time- it really helps to ease the tension that comes with 22 hour workdays. Hopefully you can help me with my problem.
As you can probably imagine, Rudolph has gotten quite full of himself over the years. When I rescued him from the Island of Misfits, he was just a shy yearling with chronic nasal congestion. Now, I’m sad to say, Rudolph has gone “Hollywood” and is demanding his own private stable. The problem is that I’m not sure the North Pole CC&R’s will allow it! I’ve already gotten “nastygrams” for leaving my Christmas lights up too long, and for violating the pooper scooper ordinance. We had to shut down Mrs. Claus’s cookie baking business when our neighbor, Old Man Winter, reported us to the health department.
Any advice or direction would be greatly appreciated.
Kristopher Nicholas Kringle (aka Santa)
Dear Santa,
Thank you for taking the time to write. While I’m not familiar with the CC&R’s where you live, my guess is you’ve got a snowball’s chance in… well, you get the idea.
To be perfectly frank, you don’t sound like the kind of guy who should live in an HOA type community. Did you read the CC&R’s BEFORE you bought there? You’ve already ticked off one neighbor; it’s just a matter of time before the Ice Queen comes down on you as well. I can only imagine what it would be like to live downwind of eight reindeer- tiny or not! Do you have enough off-street sleigh parking for the elves? I’m guessing no. And 22 hours a day of hammering, sawing, and Blitzen knows what else? Dude, you’re the misfit!
Regarding your stable building question, let’s do some simple math here. The Rudolph movie came out in 1964, which means your” problem child” is at least 43 years old. Don’t you think it’s time he got a place of his own? Cut the cord, man, cut the cord! I’ve read in the tabloids that all he does is sit around with his childhood friend Hermey, drinking cider and playing Xbox. You’re way too easy on him, Santa. As an aside, Hermey really should have pursued that career in dentistry- candy canes have NOT been kind to his smile!
Sorry if I’m coming down a bit hard on you Santa, but it sounds to me like you need a little tough love and piping hot cup of reality check! Your story is eerily familiar to the Easter Bunny v. Sun City- Briar Patch case a few years back. E.B. knew that he couldn’t let his 4,327 children live in an age restricted community but he did it anyway. Have you noticed that the baskets have been smaller the last few years? Attorneys aren’t cheap, Mr. Kringle. You need to make some changes quick or you could be jingling all the way to the poor house!
Let me suggest selling the home you have, and picking up some acreage in the Yukon. The Abominable Snowman is a Realtor® up there- use my name and he’ll take good care of you. Sure, you’ll take a hit because of current market conditions, but it’s all relative. This way you can start fresh and do things right. Mrs. Claus can re-launch her cookie business, Rudolph and his buddies will have room to romp, and you might find the isolation quite relaxing.
Good luck Santa, please see my attached wish list. Oh, and if you could, try and park the reindeer in the driveway this year. I’m not saying it was you, but we just happened to find some cracked roof tiles right after last year’s visit.
I really enjoy your column. I always learn something and get a chuckle at the same time. In fact, I read it to the elves during break time- it really helps to ease the tension that comes with 22 hour workdays. Hopefully you can help me with my problem.
As you can probably imagine, Rudolph has gotten quite full of himself over the years. When I rescued him from the Island of Misfits, he was just a shy yearling with chronic nasal congestion. Now, I’m sad to say, Rudolph has gone “Hollywood” and is demanding his own private stable. The problem is that I’m not sure the North Pole CC&R’s will allow it! I’ve already gotten “nastygrams” for leaving my Christmas lights up too long, and for violating the pooper scooper ordinance. We had to shut down Mrs. Claus’s cookie baking business when our neighbor, Old Man Winter, reported us to the health department.
Any advice or direction would be greatly appreciated.
Kristopher Nicholas Kringle (aka Santa)
Dear Santa,
Thank you for taking the time to write. While I’m not familiar with the CC&R’s where you live, my guess is you’ve got a snowball’s chance in… well, you get the idea.
To be perfectly frank, you don’t sound like the kind of guy who should live in an HOA type community. Did you read the CC&R’s BEFORE you bought there? You’ve already ticked off one neighbor; it’s just a matter of time before the Ice Queen comes down on you as well. I can only imagine what it would be like to live downwind of eight reindeer- tiny or not! Do you have enough off-street sleigh parking for the elves? I’m guessing no. And 22 hours a day of hammering, sawing, and Blitzen knows what else? Dude, you’re the misfit!
Regarding your stable building question, let’s do some simple math here. The Rudolph movie came out in 1964, which means your” problem child” is at least 43 years old. Don’t you think it’s time he got a place of his own? Cut the cord, man, cut the cord! I’ve read in the tabloids that all he does is sit around with his childhood friend Hermey, drinking cider and playing Xbox. You’re way too easy on him, Santa. As an aside, Hermey really should have pursued that career in dentistry- candy canes have NOT been kind to his smile!
Sorry if I’m coming down a bit hard on you Santa, but it sounds to me like you need a little tough love and piping hot cup of reality check! Your story is eerily familiar to the Easter Bunny v. Sun City- Briar Patch case a few years back. E.B. knew that he couldn’t let his 4,327 children live in an age restricted community but he did it anyway. Have you noticed that the baskets have been smaller the last few years? Attorneys aren’t cheap, Mr. Kringle. You need to make some changes quick or you could be jingling all the way to the poor house!
Let me suggest selling the home you have, and picking up some acreage in the Yukon. The Abominable Snowman is a Realtor® up there- use my name and he’ll take good care of you. Sure, you’ll take a hit because of current market conditions, but it’s all relative. This way you can start fresh and do things right. Mrs. Claus can re-launch her cookie business, Rudolph and his buddies will have room to romp, and you might find the isolation quite relaxing.
Good luck Santa, please see my attached wish list. Oh, and if you could, try and park the reindeer in the driveway this year. I’m not saying it was you, but we just happened to find some cracked roof tiles right after last year’s visit.
Friday, October 26, 2007
The Right Ladder Can Save Your Neck, and Maybe Even Your Marriage
I feel compelled to let you in on a dirty little secret about my wife. She’s short. While she struts around the town in her two inch plus heels, giving everyone the impression that she’s a towering 5 feet 4 inches, in reality she barely tops out at 5-foot-2. Shocking! Since I’m about a foot taller, her “shortcoming” has had some effect on our marriage. Being the loving and understanding husband I am, I’ve learned to “lower” my expectations and meet her halfway. That’s right, I bought her a step stool.
With the top shelf of our kitchen cabinet at about 86 inches and the pantry shelves even higher than that, the step stool has become a permanent fixture in our kitchen. We bought an 18-inch, solid wood, unfinished model, and stained it to match our cabinets. We store it under the kitchen desk, where it doubles as a seat.
An extra foot-and-a-half boost keeps my lovely bride happy and keeps me from having to get up off the couch every 5 minutes. Ahh…marital bliss!
Even a man of superior verticality, such as myself, needs a little lift every once in a while. With recess lights burning out, furnace filters needing replacing, and dying smoke detectors chirping in the wee hours of the morning, it’s a good idea to have a few ladders in your garage, or at least in your neighbor’s garage.
If I had to choose three, here’s what I’d purchase:
Step Stool- Get one that’s between 18 and 24 inches. Whether you go with one that looks like a piece of furniture or a fold-away type, is up to your taste. Just make sure it’s sturdy and supports the weight of the heaviest person in the house. Even a 2-foot fall can cause serious injury. If you’ve got a two-story home, get two. This will lessen the temptation to stack 14 encyclopedias because you’re too lazy to go downstairs.
Six-foot Step Ladder- I have a heavy duty fiberglass model that I bought almost 20 years ago. I made the purchase shortly after getting electrocuted while working on an aluminum ladder. Not only did it conduct electricity, but the leg buckled as I did the “sizzle dance” from the 60-amp shock. A good fiberglass ladder will have reinforced lower legs. Get one rated for 300 lbs just in case you plan to grow—this advice applies to any ladder you buy. A 6-footer will get you as high as 9 feet (or more if you’re not my wife).
24-foot Multi-Purpose- You might have seen the “Little Giant” infomercials, with that guy who hasn’t had to find a real job since Home Improvement went off the air (yes, I am jealous!). This baby is the Swiss Army Knife of verticality with more configurations than a Cold War era gymnast! It’s actually a great ladder, although somewhat pricey. Many of the big box stores carry a knock-off brand that’s cheaper and just as reliable. The multi-purpose can be turned a 24’ extension ladder, a 12’ step ladder and the above mentioned six-foot stepladder, just to mention a few of its transformations. The reason I recommend a separate six-footer is that the weight of the multi-purpose makes it impractical to haul out every time you need to change a light bulb.
Bad news for you home owners with really, really, highly mounted smoke detectors. If they are more than 18’ off the floor, you may need an even taller ladder. A 24’ extension does you no good if the smokie is in the middle of the room, unless you’ve figured out how to defy gravity. So, you can spend a ton of money on a bigger stepladder that you use once a year, you can rent one as needed, hire a handyman who owns one, or you can make friends with a really, really, tall person. That’s basically what my wife did. You might want to choose a slightly less obnoxious person.
With the top shelf of our kitchen cabinet at about 86 inches and the pantry shelves even higher than that, the step stool has become a permanent fixture in our kitchen. We bought an 18-inch, solid wood, unfinished model, and stained it to match our cabinets. We store it under the kitchen desk, where it doubles as a seat.
An extra foot-and-a-half boost keeps my lovely bride happy and keeps me from having to get up off the couch every 5 minutes. Ahh…marital bliss!
Even a man of superior verticality, such as myself, needs a little lift every once in a while. With recess lights burning out, furnace filters needing replacing, and dying smoke detectors chirping in the wee hours of the morning, it’s a good idea to have a few ladders in your garage, or at least in your neighbor’s garage.
If I had to choose three, here’s what I’d purchase:
Step Stool- Get one that’s between 18 and 24 inches. Whether you go with one that looks like a piece of furniture or a fold-away type, is up to your taste. Just make sure it’s sturdy and supports the weight of the heaviest person in the house. Even a 2-foot fall can cause serious injury. If you’ve got a two-story home, get two. This will lessen the temptation to stack 14 encyclopedias because you’re too lazy to go downstairs.
Six-foot Step Ladder- I have a heavy duty fiberglass model that I bought almost 20 years ago. I made the purchase shortly after getting electrocuted while working on an aluminum ladder. Not only did it conduct electricity, but the leg buckled as I did the “sizzle dance” from the 60-amp shock. A good fiberglass ladder will have reinforced lower legs. Get one rated for 300 lbs just in case you plan to grow—this advice applies to any ladder you buy. A 6-footer will get you as high as 9 feet (or more if you’re not my wife).
24-foot Multi-Purpose- You might have seen the “Little Giant” infomercials, with that guy who hasn’t had to find a real job since Home Improvement went off the air (yes, I am jealous!). This baby is the Swiss Army Knife of verticality with more configurations than a Cold War era gymnast! It’s actually a great ladder, although somewhat pricey. Many of the big box stores carry a knock-off brand that’s cheaper and just as reliable. The multi-purpose can be turned a 24’ extension ladder, a 12’ step ladder and the above mentioned six-foot stepladder, just to mention a few of its transformations. The reason I recommend a separate six-footer is that the weight of the multi-purpose makes it impractical to haul out every time you need to change a light bulb.
Bad news for you home owners with really, really, highly mounted smoke detectors. If they are more than 18’ off the floor, you may need an even taller ladder. A 24’ extension does you no good if the smokie is in the middle of the room, unless you’ve figured out how to defy gravity. So, you can spend a ton of money on a bigger stepladder that you use once a year, you can rent one as needed, hire a handyman who owns one, or you can make friends with a really, really, tall person. That’s basically what my wife did. You might want to choose a slightly less obnoxious person.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Fan Letters...An example
I get a fair amount of letters, err...emails, from readers of my magazine column. There's a lot of (maybe too much) variety, ranging from pointed questions to random thoughts, and even a proposal for marriage! (Note to Miriam C., 82 years young- While I appreciate the revealing photos, I’m already taken!)
One of the letters read like this:
I read your column this week – as I usually do – and laughed – as I usually do…and it was so true what you said about “Oh no, another local magazine.” I decided to browse through it despite my initial thoughts on the magazine and found that it was actually quite interesting. I must say that your article is one of my favorites –sometimes useful and always pretty funny. I have been reading it ever since. (Ok, ok not EVERY issue). Your plea for help has not gone unnoticed and I felt the immediate need to get my wits about me and send you an email. I thought that I would start typing and something would come to me that would help but unfortunately nothing so far. I was wondering if you had children – I have a 12 year old and a 1 year old and thought perhaps you may want to branch out in that direction. For example, do you have experience with potty training? I bet you would have a flood of questions. With that suggestion said I do have a question (more of a curiosity) that I have wondered about in the past. Bear with me – I am only trying to help you out. My question: Why are the houses in Phoenix made with 2x4’s instead of 2x6’s? Where I came from - the north - most houses are constructed with 2x6’s. Wouldn’t this be more energy efficient – the houses seem paper thin.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for reading! Yes, I have three children, ages 10, 9, and 6. When it comes to potty training, I find duct tape to be a wonderful product! This is just one reason why I focus my efforts on home tips and not raising kids. I will give you one quick tidbit, though. When your three year old son utters the phrase “Oh no, I “goed” poopy on Spiderman!” it’s not a good thing.
Regarding the construction of homes using 2x4’s instead of 2x6’s, you are absolutely correct. 2x6 is better. With a 2x6 wall you will get better insulation and sound proofing, and you’ll also get straighter walls. With the insulation, most builders use a batt type of material. Batt insulation comes in various thicknesses which translate into different “R-values”. R-value is the material’s ability to resist the flow of heat. The higher the R-value the more effective the insulation. a 2x4 wall will take up to an R-15 batt, will a 2x6 wall will take up to R-21. I have seen some builders try to push an R-21 batt into a 2x4 wall, but that does no good because compressing the insulation reduces it’s R-value.
As to “why” they don’t all use 2x6, the basic answer is “value engineering”. This is builder-eze for making something cheaper, so they can increase their profits. Did I say that? Actually, what I meant was- so they can build you a better value your hard earned money. Why yes, I am running for political office, why do you ask?
One of the letters read like this:
I read your column this week – as I usually do – and laughed – as I usually do…and it was so true what you said about “Oh no, another local magazine.” I decided to browse through it despite my initial thoughts on the magazine and found that it was actually quite interesting. I must say that your article is one of my favorites –sometimes useful and always pretty funny. I have been reading it ever since. (Ok, ok not EVERY issue). Your plea for help has not gone unnoticed and I felt the immediate need to get my wits about me and send you an email. I thought that I would start typing and something would come to me that would help but unfortunately nothing so far. I was wondering if you had children – I have a 12 year old and a 1 year old and thought perhaps you may want to branch out in that direction. For example, do you have experience with potty training? I bet you would have a flood of questions. With that suggestion said I do have a question (more of a curiosity) that I have wondered about in the past. Bear with me – I am only trying to help you out. My question: Why are the houses in Phoenix made with 2x4’s instead of 2x6’s? Where I came from - the north - most houses are constructed with 2x6’s. Wouldn’t this be more energy efficient – the houses seem paper thin.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for reading! Yes, I have three children, ages 10, 9, and 6. When it comes to potty training, I find duct tape to be a wonderful product! This is just one reason why I focus my efforts on home tips and not raising kids. I will give you one quick tidbit, though. When your three year old son utters the phrase “Oh no, I “goed” poopy on Spiderman!” it’s not a good thing.
Regarding the construction of homes using 2x4’s instead of 2x6’s, you are absolutely correct. 2x6 is better. With a 2x6 wall you will get better insulation and sound proofing, and you’ll also get straighter walls. With the insulation, most builders use a batt type of material. Batt insulation comes in various thicknesses which translate into different “R-values”. R-value is the material’s ability to resist the flow of heat. The higher the R-value the more effective the insulation. a 2x4 wall will take up to an R-15 batt, will a 2x6 wall will take up to R-21. I have seen some builders try to push an R-21 batt into a 2x4 wall, but that does no good because compressing the insulation reduces it’s R-value.
As to “why” they don’t all use 2x6, the basic answer is “value engineering”. This is builder-eze for making something cheaper, so they can increase their profits. Did I say that? Actually, what I meant was- so they can build you a better value your hard earned money. Why yes, I am running for political office, why do you ask?
Some Foresight on Foreclosures
I know this comes as a shock to many of you, but I don’t make a living as a writer. On the contrary, while the fine ownership of In&Out pays me much more than I’m worth, 48 cents a month just doesn’t pay the bills. My real job is managing a home inspection company, and every once in a while I feel the compulsion to do a column related to said real job. I’m just funny that way.
Just a few years ago, the real estate bubble was in full bloom. Sellers were receiving multiple offers on their homes before the ink was dry on the listing agreement. Buyers, on the other hand, were scrambling to get a piece of the American dream. A full price offer was no guarantee that they would get the home they desired so offers above asking price were commonplace.
During this wild and crazy time, the seller held all the cards. They would smugly offer their home “as is”, refusing to make even a minor concession. Can’t say that I blame them, that’s what happens in a seller’s market- it’s that whole supply and demand thing that we learned in Economics 101. As a matter of record, I did the same thing. The problem arose when buyers, and sometimes the agent representing them, would add two plus two and get three! They would think that “as is” translated into “no home inspection”. The mindset was- ‘why should I pay for an inspection, when the seller won’t fix anything that’s found”. This wrong-headed thinking led to many a homebuyer purchasing a home that was not only overpriced, but in need of serious repair. Not very smart, and shame on any agent who supports this bad advice!
Let’s fast-forward to today. Look in any real estate listings publication and you’ll see numerous ads for “short sale” or “bank owned” properties. Times have changed, and there are opportunities galore for buyers! (Just a bit of unsolicited advice- In a buyer’s market, YOU BUY!!! They don’t last forever)
Sadly, buyers and their agents are making the same stupid mistake that they did a few years ago. Because short sales and bank owned properties are being sold “as-is”, the inspection has once again become the red-headed stepchild of the real estate transaction. Fool me twice, shame on me!
Don’t make this mistake! Bank owned and pre-foreclosure properties have the same thing in common- distressed homeowners. While owner occupied pre-foreclosure properties may still be maintained, investor owned and bank owned properties are quite often neglected. Utilities are often shut off for long periods of time. Some are even intentionally damaged by former owners, tenants, and vandals.
A proper home inspection costs just a few hundred dollars and can save you thousands. Don’t make the same mistake that you made a few years ago. And if your agent recommends that you not have the property inspected, then you need to find another agent.
Ok, now you have some good advice, and I’ve actually met my quota to talk about home inspection at least once a year. It’s kind of funny that when I do write this type of column, I almost always get one or two emails from real estate agents accusing me of trashing their profession. For the record, that’s not my point. If you are truly a “real estate professional” this should all make perfect sense. If you feel differently, please do contact me. I’d be happy to print your letter and respond publicly.
Just a few years ago, the real estate bubble was in full bloom. Sellers were receiving multiple offers on their homes before the ink was dry on the listing agreement. Buyers, on the other hand, were scrambling to get a piece of the American dream. A full price offer was no guarantee that they would get the home they desired so offers above asking price were commonplace.
During this wild and crazy time, the seller held all the cards. They would smugly offer their home “as is”, refusing to make even a minor concession. Can’t say that I blame them, that’s what happens in a seller’s market- it’s that whole supply and demand thing that we learned in Economics 101. As a matter of record, I did the same thing. The problem arose when buyers, and sometimes the agent representing them, would add two plus two and get three! They would think that “as is” translated into “no home inspection”. The mindset was- ‘why should I pay for an inspection, when the seller won’t fix anything that’s found”. This wrong-headed thinking led to many a homebuyer purchasing a home that was not only overpriced, but in need of serious repair. Not very smart, and shame on any agent who supports this bad advice!
Let’s fast-forward to today. Look in any real estate listings publication and you’ll see numerous ads for “short sale” or “bank owned” properties. Times have changed, and there are opportunities galore for buyers! (Just a bit of unsolicited advice- In a buyer’s market, YOU BUY!!! They don’t last forever)
Sadly, buyers and their agents are making the same stupid mistake that they did a few years ago. Because short sales and bank owned properties are being sold “as-is”, the inspection has once again become the red-headed stepchild of the real estate transaction. Fool me twice, shame on me!
Don’t make this mistake! Bank owned and pre-foreclosure properties have the same thing in common- distressed homeowners. While owner occupied pre-foreclosure properties may still be maintained, investor owned and bank owned properties are quite often neglected. Utilities are often shut off for long periods of time. Some are even intentionally damaged by former owners, tenants, and vandals.
A proper home inspection costs just a few hundred dollars and can save you thousands. Don’t make the same mistake that you made a few years ago. And if your agent recommends that you not have the property inspected, then you need to find another agent.
Ok, now you have some good advice, and I’ve actually met my quota to talk about home inspection at least once a year. It’s kind of funny that when I do write this type of column, I almost always get one or two emails from real estate agents accusing me of trashing their profession. For the record, that’s not my point. If you are truly a “real estate professional” this should all make perfect sense. If you feel differently, please do contact me. I’d be happy to print your letter and respond publicly.
Green and Lazy
Riddle me this: What’s green and lazy and never gets any respect from his publisher? Answer: Me!
Here I am once again late with my column, and Nadine is threatening to bump me for an article on Norwegian Origami. I mean no offense to all you Norwegian Origami enthusiasts, but I sincerely believe that I can tap out something that might appeal to a slightly larger demographic. Which got me thinking…
Being green is the “new millennium” thing to do. Whether you’re a Birkenstock wearing throwback from Haight-Ashbury, or a Yuppie Dink with a PHD and an SUV, it’s your job to help save the planet from ozone, non-biodegradable packaging, and overweight middle aged men who insist on wearing skintight Under-Armor athletic wear. Ok, maybe you just need to pick two of the three, but it’s your choice.
I have to admit that I’m a bit intimidated with all the new politically correct rules when it comes to being “green”. I think that part of this intimidation stems from my overwhelming desire to defend the self-absorbed and lazy side of me that I’ve worked so hard to nurture. I want to be green, but I don’t want it to hurt! I mean think about it, if we all held our collective breath for 35 minutes, we would reduce carbon dioxide emissions by 83 percent, AND provide a much needed food source for the endangered Canadian Corpse Worm. But that wouldn’t be much fun now, would it?
Here’s a short list of things you can do to help, without much hurt:
Refuse the plastic grocery bag! If you’re like me, getting a plastic bag is just part of the shopping experience, even if we don’t need one. I have made a conscious effort to say NO, when I have just a few items. I did a little experiment, and in just one week I consumed 18 less bags, just by not taking one when I had three or less small items. If you want to go a step further, carry reusable bags for the bigger shopping trips. Some stores (CHRISTINE- ADD STORES HERE!!!) even pay you a few cents for doing it.
Change to Fluorescent lights- While the old fluorescents used to have that harsh high school biology class light, the new ones offer different hues that are as comfy as grandma’s porch light (whatever!). I replaced 27 regular bulbs with fluorescents and I can’t tell the difference. The average household will save about $65 in five years for every bulb they switch. The newer bulb last about that long and cost around $3 each (less if you really look around). So, I’m going to save about $300 a year and lower my carbon footprint at the same time!
Remove the lids from your bottles- Many recycling plants are not able to recycle plastic bottles that have the lids screwed on. Make sure you remove them before throwing the bottles in the bin. Here’s an idea: Collect all the lids and make original “cap sculptures”. Try it, it’s more fun than Norwegian Origami!
Stop wasting water!- Did you know that one dripping faucet could fill Lake Michigan in just three days? Jeez, some of you will believe anything! But a dripping faucet, or over watering, or running the faucet while you’re brushing your teeth or shaving, all waste water. So do something about it!
None of the suggestions I made are all that difficult. Even if you just pick one, you’re helping. If you have other tips that are simple and make a difference, send them to me. It will help the planet and more importantly, help me write another article, thus keeping my publisher off my back. You do realize that “Nadine” rhymes with “mean”. Oh yeah, and “green”!
Here I am once again late with my column, and Nadine is threatening to bump me for an article on Norwegian Origami. I mean no offense to all you Norwegian Origami enthusiasts, but I sincerely believe that I can tap out something that might appeal to a slightly larger demographic. Which got me thinking…
Being green is the “new millennium” thing to do. Whether you’re a Birkenstock wearing throwback from Haight-Ashbury, or a Yuppie Dink with a PHD and an SUV, it’s your job to help save the planet from ozone, non-biodegradable packaging, and overweight middle aged men who insist on wearing skintight Under-Armor athletic wear. Ok, maybe you just need to pick two of the three, but it’s your choice.
I have to admit that I’m a bit intimidated with all the new politically correct rules when it comes to being “green”. I think that part of this intimidation stems from my overwhelming desire to defend the self-absorbed and lazy side of me that I’ve worked so hard to nurture. I want to be green, but I don’t want it to hurt! I mean think about it, if we all held our collective breath for 35 minutes, we would reduce carbon dioxide emissions by 83 percent, AND provide a much needed food source for the endangered Canadian Corpse Worm. But that wouldn’t be much fun now, would it?
Here’s a short list of things you can do to help, without much hurt:
Refuse the plastic grocery bag! If you’re like me, getting a plastic bag is just part of the shopping experience, even if we don’t need one. I have made a conscious effort to say NO, when I have just a few items. I did a little experiment, and in just one week I consumed 18 less bags, just by not taking one when I had three or less small items. If you want to go a step further, carry reusable bags for the bigger shopping trips. Some stores (CHRISTINE- ADD STORES HERE!!!) even pay you a few cents for doing it.
Change to Fluorescent lights- While the old fluorescents used to have that harsh high school biology class light, the new ones offer different hues that are as comfy as grandma’s porch light (whatever!). I replaced 27 regular bulbs with fluorescents and I can’t tell the difference. The average household will save about $65 in five years for every bulb they switch. The newer bulb last about that long and cost around $3 each (less if you really look around). So, I’m going to save about $300 a year and lower my carbon footprint at the same time!
Remove the lids from your bottles- Many recycling plants are not able to recycle plastic bottles that have the lids screwed on. Make sure you remove them before throwing the bottles in the bin. Here’s an idea: Collect all the lids and make original “cap sculptures”. Try it, it’s more fun than Norwegian Origami!
Stop wasting water!- Did you know that one dripping faucet could fill Lake Michigan in just three days? Jeez, some of you will believe anything! But a dripping faucet, or over watering, or running the faucet while you’re brushing your teeth or shaving, all waste water. So do something about it!
None of the suggestions I made are all that difficult. Even if you just pick one, you’re helping. If you have other tips that are simple and make a difference, send them to me. It will help the planet and more importantly, help me write another article, thus keeping my publisher off my back. You do realize that “Nadine” rhymes with “mean”. Oh yeah, and “green”!
The Poop on Pigeons
If pigeons have gotten a bad rap, then so be it, the little suckers deserve it! I’ve gotten several calls and emails from readers asking how to make the “flying rats” go away. Like hemorrhoids and in-laws, once you have pigeons, eradication is painful, costly, and a real pain in the butt.
Before we talk about pigeon remediation, I think a brief history lesson is in order. First of all the Common Pigeon is technically not a pigeon at all, but a Rock Dove. While that’s sort of splitting feathers, I want to make the distinction between a Common Pigeon and a Band-Tail Pigeon. Band-Tails are native to the U.S. and are rarely a problem in suburbia. Common Pigeons (like Limburger Cheese and hairy armpits) were imported from Europe. They love hanging out in residential areas due to the abundance of ledges and eaves that allow for roosting, loafing, and nest building. Add to this the plentiful food sources and our communities are a veritable pigeon Shangra-la!
Pigeons are bad news for several reasons. The term “flying rat” was coined by disease control professionals because, like rats, pigeons are prolific carriers of several deadly maladies such as: psittacosis, Newcastle Disease, aspergillosis, pseudo tuberculosis,
pigeon coccidiosis, toxoplasmosis, encephalitis, and Salmonella typhimurium. (I think my “spell-check” just blew up). They can also cause damage to your property due to the corrosive nature of their feces, their nests clogging drains and gutters, and jet planes crashing into your home when the engines get clogged with pigeon carcasses. If this isn’t enough, they also carry parasites like fleas, ticks, and mites. Ok, not quite as bad as in-laws, but pretty close.
The best way to protect yourself from pigeons is to not get them in the first place. Never feed pigeons, and kindly ask your neighbors to not feed them as well. Feed not only attracts them, but makes them more susceptible to disease because of the poor nutritional value of the stuff you generally feed them. White bread will make them fat and lazy, just like it does with people. Don’t leave pet food outside, and cover all garbage.
If you have pigeons, you probably will want to call a professional. Because of the disease factor and their tendency to roost in high places, “pigeon proofing” is dangerous business. Poisons are also dangerous and don’t have much effect. You probably don’t want to waste your money on frightening devices or decoys, such as plastic owls or snakes. Pigeons are either really smart or really stupid, and these deterrents are mostly ineffective. Mylar or foils strips generally only provide temporary relief and make your house look like a landing strip for UFOs. You might try shooting them (easy now!) with a high pressure stream of water. This may be effective if you’re consistent, but particularly humane. Some professional will only remove the pigeons and not clean up or install deterrents. Make sure you know what you’re getting before you hire them.
I know that pigeons aren’t the only bird that causes problems. My personal opinion is that, in most cases, they were here first and we need to deal with it. Woodpeckers can do a number on your stucco walls and I feel real bad about that, truly I do. If you have an area that they like to visit, try squirting some hot sauce on that area. I have no scientific proof that this works, but I know I wouldn’t like it.
NOTE- I want to apologize to any in-laws or Europeans who were offended by my remarks. I am both European and an in-law, and as of this writing, it’s still legal to make fun of one’s self.
Before we talk about pigeon remediation, I think a brief history lesson is in order. First of all the Common Pigeon is technically not a pigeon at all, but a Rock Dove. While that’s sort of splitting feathers, I want to make the distinction between a Common Pigeon and a Band-Tail Pigeon. Band-Tails are native to the U.S. and are rarely a problem in suburbia. Common Pigeons (like Limburger Cheese and hairy armpits) were imported from Europe. They love hanging out in residential areas due to the abundance of ledges and eaves that allow for roosting, loafing, and nest building. Add to this the plentiful food sources and our communities are a veritable pigeon Shangra-la!
Pigeons are bad news for several reasons. The term “flying rat” was coined by disease control professionals because, like rats, pigeons are prolific carriers of several deadly maladies such as: psittacosis, Newcastle Disease, aspergillosis, pseudo tuberculosis,
pigeon coccidiosis, toxoplasmosis, encephalitis, and Salmonella typhimurium. (I think my “spell-check” just blew up). They can also cause damage to your property due to the corrosive nature of their feces, their nests clogging drains and gutters, and jet planes crashing into your home when the engines get clogged with pigeon carcasses. If this isn’t enough, they also carry parasites like fleas, ticks, and mites. Ok, not quite as bad as in-laws, but pretty close.
The best way to protect yourself from pigeons is to not get them in the first place. Never feed pigeons, and kindly ask your neighbors to not feed them as well. Feed not only attracts them, but makes them more susceptible to disease because of the poor nutritional value of the stuff you generally feed them. White bread will make them fat and lazy, just like it does with people. Don’t leave pet food outside, and cover all garbage.
If you have pigeons, you probably will want to call a professional. Because of the disease factor and their tendency to roost in high places, “pigeon proofing” is dangerous business. Poisons are also dangerous and don’t have much effect. You probably don’t want to waste your money on frightening devices or decoys, such as plastic owls or snakes. Pigeons are either really smart or really stupid, and these deterrents are mostly ineffective. Mylar or foils strips generally only provide temporary relief and make your house look like a landing strip for UFOs. You might try shooting them (easy now!) with a high pressure stream of water. This may be effective if you’re consistent, but particularly humane. Some professional will only remove the pigeons and not clean up or install deterrents. Make sure you know what you’re getting before you hire them.
I know that pigeons aren’t the only bird that causes problems. My personal opinion is that, in most cases, they were here first and we need to deal with it. Woodpeckers can do a number on your stucco walls and I feel real bad about that, truly I do. If you have an area that they like to visit, try squirting some hot sauce on that area. I have no scientific proof that this works, but I know I wouldn’t like it.
NOTE- I want to apologize to any in-laws or Europeans who were offended by my remarks. I am both European and an in-law, and as of this writing, it’s still legal to make fun of one’s self.
Monday, July 16, 2007
If You Give a WEW a Whiteboard
(NOTE: The Acronym WEW or W.E.W. pertaining to the phrase "Weekend Warrior" is a trademark of Christopher R. Prickett)
Most of us with kids have heard of the book “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie”, by Laura Joffe Numeroff. The book chronicles the chain of events that begin with feeding a rodent. This simple and seeming harmless act triggers a downward spiral that ends in complete annihilation of the planet, or something like that; I have to admit it’s been awhile since this tome was on my nightstand. Laura has written several sequels, including “If You Give A Moose A Muffin”, and “If You Give A Pig A Pancake”. I understand that her latest work, “If You Give An Elk An Ex-Lax” is due for a Christmas release.
While I have had a long and illustrious career in the field of home repair and maintenance, in many ways I’m just like you, a Weekend Warrior or “WEW”. (BTW, I just now officially coined that acronym-see my attorney for complete details). I spend much of my spare time first avoiding, and then tackling the various honey-do’s that have a tendency to reach terminal velocity right before the kickoff of football season. Quite often what starts out as a quick and simple task, ends in complete annihilation of my “me-time”. Yes my friends, I’m a WEW just like you!.
With the sincerest apologies to Ms. Numeroff, I proudly present, “ If You Give WEW A Whiteboard”.
If you give a WEW a whiteboard, you’ll also want to give him a dry-erase marker, but not a dry-eraser. You’ll want have the board hung in a prominent place, like eye-level on his favorite bathroom door. You’ll need to write up a list of chores for him to accomplish. You should probably put “Hang the Whiteboard” at the top of the list.
If you give a WEW a whiteboard, you should write the dates that you wrote the chore along with the date you expect it to be completed. If you don’t, expect to hear excuses like, “You just wrote that yesterday” or “I’ll get to it tomorrow”. When putting the completion date, be sure to INCLUDE THE YEAR, along with the day and month.
If you give a WEW a whiteboard, eventually he will get around to the chore. Let’s use cleaning the gunk out of the kitchen faucet aerator as an example(the little screen thingy that gets clogged with minerals and make the faucet run slow). He’ll begin by asking you to grab him a that old rusted pair of pliers from the junk drawer, because he’s too lazy to go to the garage and get the proper tools from the $2500 armor-plated tool chest that he “just had to have” last Father’s Day.
As he pulls out the faucet, that is connected to the sprayer hose, he’ll remember that the hose always gets caught on the supply valve under the sink. He’ll remember because you’ve had it written on the whiteboard since January 8th, 2003. He’ll figure that this is a good time to kill two birds with one stone. He decides to unscrew the other end of the sprayer hose, under the sink. He once again opts to not get the proper tools, in order to save time!
He’ll take the rusted old pliers to the hose connection under the sink, totally disregarding the fact that there is a tone of junk in the cabinet, including a half full bag of potting soil and an open bottle of liquid dish detergent. He’ll also forget to shut off the supply valve, because he’s in a hurry- kickoff is in 23 minutes.
As he attempts to loosen the hose connection, he’ll partially strip the nut with the rusted old pliers. As the nut loosens, he’ll realize that he didn’t turn the water off, and that he should have removed the half full bag of potting soil and dish detergent. Trying to do both, simultaneously, he’ll rip open the bag on the handle of the valve and knock over the dish detergent. As the water, detergent and potting soil mix, the family dog will get curious because of all the commotion. As the dog arrives on the scene, he will be distracted by the sight of the bent over WEW-butt, and introduce himself in typical dog fashion. This will startle the WEW, causing him to lift his head abruptly, while still under the sink.
When the ambulance arrives, they will be met by muddy, soapy, mutt, and one extremely unhappy WEW wife. They will quickly load the unconscious WEW into the ambulance; keeping in mind that time is of the essence- kickoff is in 11 minutes. Once the game is over, a plumber will show up, make repairs, and present you with a bill for $278.
So, if you give a WEW a whiteboard, you might want to reconsider… and just give him a cookie.
Most of us with kids have heard of the book “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie”, by Laura Joffe Numeroff. The book chronicles the chain of events that begin with feeding a rodent. This simple and seeming harmless act triggers a downward spiral that ends in complete annihilation of the planet, or something like that; I have to admit it’s been awhile since this tome was on my nightstand. Laura has written several sequels, including “If You Give A Moose A Muffin”, and “If You Give A Pig A Pancake”. I understand that her latest work, “If You Give An Elk An Ex-Lax” is due for a Christmas release.
While I have had a long and illustrious career in the field of home repair and maintenance, in many ways I’m just like you, a Weekend Warrior or “WEW”. (BTW, I just now officially coined that acronym-see my attorney for complete details). I spend much of my spare time first avoiding, and then tackling the various honey-do’s that have a tendency to reach terminal velocity right before the kickoff of football season. Quite often what starts out as a quick and simple task, ends in complete annihilation of my “me-time”. Yes my friends, I’m a WEW just like you!.
With the sincerest apologies to Ms. Numeroff, I proudly present, “ If You Give WEW A Whiteboard”.
If you give a WEW a whiteboard, you’ll also want to give him a dry-erase marker, but not a dry-eraser. You’ll want have the board hung in a prominent place, like eye-level on his favorite bathroom door. You’ll need to write up a list of chores for him to accomplish. You should probably put “Hang the Whiteboard” at the top of the list.
If you give a WEW a whiteboard, you should write the dates that you wrote the chore along with the date you expect it to be completed. If you don’t, expect to hear excuses like, “You just wrote that yesterday” or “I’ll get to it tomorrow”. When putting the completion date, be sure to INCLUDE THE YEAR, along with the day and month.
If you give a WEW a whiteboard, eventually he will get around to the chore. Let’s use cleaning the gunk out of the kitchen faucet aerator as an example(the little screen thingy that gets clogged with minerals and make the faucet run slow). He’ll begin by asking you to grab him a that old rusted pair of pliers from the junk drawer, because he’s too lazy to go to the garage and get the proper tools from the $2500 armor-plated tool chest that he “just had to have” last Father’s Day.
As he pulls out the faucet, that is connected to the sprayer hose, he’ll remember that the hose always gets caught on the supply valve under the sink. He’ll remember because you’ve had it written on the whiteboard since January 8th, 2003. He’ll figure that this is a good time to kill two birds with one stone. He decides to unscrew the other end of the sprayer hose, under the sink. He once again opts to not get the proper tools, in order to save time!
He’ll take the rusted old pliers to the hose connection under the sink, totally disregarding the fact that there is a tone of junk in the cabinet, including a half full bag of potting soil and an open bottle of liquid dish detergent. He’ll also forget to shut off the supply valve, because he’s in a hurry- kickoff is in 23 minutes.
As he attempts to loosen the hose connection, he’ll partially strip the nut with the rusted old pliers. As the nut loosens, he’ll realize that he didn’t turn the water off, and that he should have removed the half full bag of potting soil and dish detergent. Trying to do both, simultaneously, he’ll rip open the bag on the handle of the valve and knock over the dish detergent. As the water, detergent and potting soil mix, the family dog will get curious because of all the commotion. As the dog arrives on the scene, he will be distracted by the sight of the bent over WEW-butt, and introduce himself in typical dog fashion. This will startle the WEW, causing him to lift his head abruptly, while still under the sink.
When the ambulance arrives, they will be met by muddy, soapy, mutt, and one extremely unhappy WEW wife. They will quickly load the unconscious WEW into the ambulance; keeping in mind that time is of the essence- kickoff is in 11 minutes. Once the game is over, a plumber will show up, make repairs, and present you with a bill for $278.
So, if you give a WEW a whiteboard, you might want to reconsider… and just give him a cookie.
Friday, June 1, 2007
I Guess You Can Call it "Flood Insurance"
Now, I am not one to jump on the latest fad, fashion, or new-fangled gadget that hits the market. As a matter of fact, I’m still using the same set of Ginsu steak knives I got back in ’78! That being said, I want to tell you about a neat little invention that might just help you sleep better at night, especially if you’re a Snowbird or frequent traveler. Let’s give hot, cold, and warm water welcome to (trumpets please) the Floodsafe Auto-Shutoff Connector.
The Floodsafe Auto-Shutoff Connector is not some new diet craze, and I’m a little worried about you if you thought it was. I mean come on now, try and focus here. What it is, is a water line connector that protects against catastrophic water damage caused by burst, broken or ruptured water supply hoses and fittings.
I first saw this rascal over at Ace Hardware. What helped to set aside my usual cynicism was the fact that it was made by Watts Water Technology. They are the same company that pioneered the temperature and pressure relief valve that’s found on nearly every water heater and boiler made. There was a time that water heaters were as dangerous and explosive as Rosie O’Donnell with a talk show. The “Watts” valve changed all that. Hmmm, that just gave me an idea…
Anyway, I did a little research on these connectors and I think they’re a very good thing! Here the basic concept of what they do, and why you may need them:
It seems like about every two weeks I get a call from a client who had a catastrophic water leak. In almost every instance, it’s due to a burst supply line. Toilets seem to be the most common culprit (I have a theory on that but, good taste won’t allow elaboration), but washing machines come in a close second. In just a few hours of bursting, serious and expensive damage can occur. The cause of the burst supply line can be due to poor manufacturing, a bad install, a “stupid homeowner trick”, or just good ol’ Mr. Murphy coming to visit. Regardless of the reason, the result is the same. A flooded home will ruin your day.
The beauty of the Floodsafe Auto-Shutoff Connector is a valve that’s located at the end of the connector that attaches to the shutoff valve. If the valve senses an increase in water flow, beyond the preset allowance, it shuts off instantly. It’s as simple as that. The sensor valve can be reset if needed and requires no batteries, electricity, or special skills to install.
The connectors cost about $10 each, on average, and are made of braided steel to minimize the chance of a leak. They recommend using them on sinks, toilets, washers, refrigerators, and dishwashers. There are specific connectors for each application. For the average home with 2 ½ baths, you’re looking at around $200, not including labor. You don’t need them for tubs or showers as those are “hard piped” and have no hose connections.
Another benefit is water conservation. If you’re a property owner and your tenants pull out the flow restrictors on your sink faucets, the valve will sense this as well, and shut the water off. Then your sheepish renters will have to call you to reset the valves. Busted!
For anyone who spends time away from home, which is just about everybody, the Floodsafe Auto-Shutoff Connector is something that should be seriously considered. Some of you may think that with my writing such a glowing article, Watts Inc or Ace Hardware would be giving me a kickback. Shame on you for thinking that! Christopher Robin Prickett cannot be bought! Rented, maybe, but never bought.
The Floodsafe Auto-Shutoff Connector is not some new diet craze, and I’m a little worried about you if you thought it was. I mean come on now, try and focus here. What it is, is a water line connector that protects against catastrophic water damage caused by burst, broken or ruptured water supply hoses and fittings.
I first saw this rascal over at Ace Hardware. What helped to set aside my usual cynicism was the fact that it was made by Watts Water Technology. They are the same company that pioneered the temperature and pressure relief valve that’s found on nearly every water heater and boiler made. There was a time that water heaters were as dangerous and explosive as Rosie O’Donnell with a talk show. The “Watts” valve changed all that. Hmmm, that just gave me an idea…
Anyway, I did a little research on these connectors and I think they’re a very good thing! Here the basic concept of what they do, and why you may need them:
It seems like about every two weeks I get a call from a client who had a catastrophic water leak. In almost every instance, it’s due to a burst supply line. Toilets seem to be the most common culprit (I have a theory on that but, good taste won’t allow elaboration), but washing machines come in a close second. In just a few hours of bursting, serious and expensive damage can occur. The cause of the burst supply line can be due to poor manufacturing, a bad install, a “stupid homeowner trick”, or just good ol’ Mr. Murphy coming to visit. Regardless of the reason, the result is the same. A flooded home will ruin your day.
The beauty of the Floodsafe Auto-Shutoff Connector is a valve that’s located at the end of the connector that attaches to the shutoff valve. If the valve senses an increase in water flow, beyond the preset allowance, it shuts off instantly. It’s as simple as that. The sensor valve can be reset if needed and requires no batteries, electricity, or special skills to install.
The connectors cost about $10 each, on average, and are made of braided steel to minimize the chance of a leak. They recommend using them on sinks, toilets, washers, refrigerators, and dishwashers. There are specific connectors for each application. For the average home with 2 ½ baths, you’re looking at around $200, not including labor. You don’t need them for tubs or showers as those are “hard piped” and have no hose connections.
Another benefit is water conservation. If you’re a property owner and your tenants pull out the flow restrictors on your sink faucets, the valve will sense this as well, and shut the water off. Then your sheepish renters will have to call you to reset the valves. Busted!
For anyone who spends time away from home, which is just about everybody, the Floodsafe Auto-Shutoff Connector is something that should be seriously considered. Some of you may think that with my writing such a glowing article, Watts Inc or Ace Hardware would be giving me a kickback. Shame on you for thinking that! Christopher Robin Prickett cannot be bought! Rented, maybe, but never bought.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Bringing Back The Front Porch
I remember way back in the Sixties, sitting on my Aunt Mamie’s porch in Riverside, NJ. Yes, I really did have an Aunt Mamie. There wasn’t any great scenery from that front porch, as a matter of fact, it was on a relatively busy road and overlooked an asphalt church parking lot. Funny thing is, I have some of my most vivid childhood memories surrounding that old front porch.
There was the time, when I was about four, that I was certain that I could drip lemonade from my lip directly into my brother’s belly button. Another time, I got spanked by my aunt because she thought I said a cuss-word. (I deny it to this day). Het, I said they were vivid memories, not necessarily profound ones! Sometime we just spent hours watching the cars go by.
Fast forward forty years, and I’m sitting here writing this column while, you guessed it, sitting on my front porch! I’m not sure why I haven’t done this in so long, but it’s a leisurely delight that’s way overdue.
I actually got the idea from my new neighbor. A few months ago he came home with several boxes of unassembled patio furniture. As I watched him put it all together, (no, I didn’t help-that would be violating some unwritten “man-law”) it occurred to me that the thought of getting my own set never crossed my mind. A few days and a smokin’ deal later, and I had my very own furnished front porch!
Since I have a west facing backyard, my new outdoor “room” was an instant hit for vegging after work! It was a much bigger hit before my wife and kids figured out where I was hiding, but (as the kids say) whatever! I found the front porch was a great place to sit and read the paper in the evening, so that’s what I started doing, and then a funny thing happened. I started seeing my neighbors! Go figure- you leave the privacy of your castle and backyard, and all of a sudden you start seeing all of those other people that venture out from the safety and anonymity of their castles.
At first it was a bit uncomfortable, do I wave, or pretend I didn’t see them. If I make eye contact, will they think I’m trying to uncover some “dirt” to report to the dreaded HOA? I knew I had to play it cool. At first it was a quick glance- one eyeball only! After a few days of this, I went with two eyes, and then a ever-so-slight nod. In a week or two, I was amazed! We actually exchanged pleasant greetings. Now we’re all in a real good comfort zone and I’ve had a few visits where my neighbors have actually sat down- no, I’m serious!
If you’ve got a neglected front porch, and you wish you were better acquainted with your neighborhood, I suggest you buy some comfy outdoor furniture and try sitting in it. Bring back an old and much neglected tradition. You won’t regret it, I know I haven’t! As a matter of fact, next week I’m going to get all crazy and make a pitcher of lemonade. My wife has already shot down a reenactment of the ol’ bellybutton trick!
There was the time, when I was about four, that I was certain that I could drip lemonade from my lip directly into my brother’s belly button. Another time, I got spanked by my aunt because she thought I said a cuss-word. (I deny it to this day). Het, I said they were vivid memories, not necessarily profound ones! Sometime we just spent hours watching the cars go by.
Fast forward forty years, and I’m sitting here writing this column while, you guessed it, sitting on my front porch! I’m not sure why I haven’t done this in so long, but it’s a leisurely delight that’s way overdue.
I actually got the idea from my new neighbor. A few months ago he came home with several boxes of unassembled patio furniture. As I watched him put it all together, (no, I didn’t help-that would be violating some unwritten “man-law”) it occurred to me that the thought of getting my own set never crossed my mind. A few days and a smokin’ deal later, and I had my very own furnished front porch!
Since I have a west facing backyard, my new outdoor “room” was an instant hit for vegging after work! It was a much bigger hit before my wife and kids figured out where I was hiding, but (as the kids say) whatever! I found the front porch was a great place to sit and read the paper in the evening, so that’s what I started doing, and then a funny thing happened. I started seeing my neighbors! Go figure- you leave the privacy of your castle and backyard, and all of a sudden you start seeing all of those other people that venture out from the safety and anonymity of their castles.
At first it was a bit uncomfortable, do I wave, or pretend I didn’t see them. If I make eye contact, will they think I’m trying to uncover some “dirt” to report to the dreaded HOA? I knew I had to play it cool. At first it was a quick glance- one eyeball only! After a few days of this, I went with two eyes, and then a ever-so-slight nod. In a week or two, I was amazed! We actually exchanged pleasant greetings. Now we’re all in a real good comfort zone and I’ve had a few visits where my neighbors have actually sat down- no, I’m serious!
If you’ve got a neglected front porch, and you wish you were better acquainted with your neighborhood, I suggest you buy some comfy outdoor furniture and try sitting in it. Bring back an old and much neglected tradition. You won’t regret it, I know I haven’t! As a matter of fact, next week I’m going to get all crazy and make a pitcher of lemonade. My wife has already shot down a reenactment of the ol’ bellybutton trick!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Quick Fixes
When my publisher asked me to write an article on “Quick Fixes”, I have to admit when I first heard that, I had a 70’s flashback. Just for the record, I never exhaled! Then it was explained the gist of the column was to give my readers some tips on saving the cost of a call to a contractor, for easily repairable projects. Thank goodness for that, I really don’t remember much of the 70’s… or 80’s if you want to know the truth!
I do remember a few things, however. So take these tips, and stash them away for when you need them. Just don’t forget where you hid your stash!
Jammed Garbage Disposal- If you hear that ominous sound of your disposal motor winding, shut off the disposal immediately. Look under your sink, or in your junk drawer, for the silver offset Allen wrench that came with the disposal. Unplug the disposal before proceeding. Insert the wrench into the hole at the very bottom of the disposal motor, and turn both ways to clear the jam. You can then reach into the disposal and pull out whatever caused the problem, usually a bottle cap or some other small metal object. If you don’t shut off the disposal in time, when you hear the motor winding, the built-in reset button will trip. This is a little red button right near the hole where you put the wrench. Simply press it in and you’re all set.
Stripped Screw Holes- Whether it’s a loose screw in a cabinet, a door hinge, or your handmade Indian Hookah pipe, the easiest way to perform this fix is with a little wood glue and a golf tee. Before you start, it’s a good idea to lightly rough up the golf tee so the glue will stick better. You can use sand paper or even an emery board. Squirt the wood glue in the hole (brown wood glue- not white household glue), jam the tee in the hole, and cut of the excess with a knife, and wipe off the excess glue with a slightly damp paper towel. Let it set up for 24 hours. It’s not a bad idea to pre-drill the hole, with a bit that’s slightly smaller than the screw, before re-securing the screw.
Plumbing Clogs- There are some clogs that require the help of a plumber, but many can be handled by the homeowner. Let’s say, for instance, you need to flush a large quantity of Oregano down the toilet, for some strange reason… Two quick and easy tricks to dealing with minor clogs call for nothing more than duct tape, and boiling water. Many clogs can be cleared by simply pouring a pot of boiling water down the drain. When using a plunger to clear clogs, put a piece of duct tape over the overflow hole on your bathroom sink or tub. This will help to give the plunger more “push”. When pushing the plunger, quick, sharp, pushes are most effective.
Non-Working Bathroom, Kitchen, Garage and Exterior Outlets- Some people might think that you’d have to be a real “stoner” to not know this, but you’d be surprised how many calls I get from people who don’t realize that the outlets in their bathrooms, kitchens, and garages (as well as some dining rooms) have GFCI outlets. These trip when there is a “ground-fault” (basically a short) and are a code requirement at all wet locations. If your bathroom outlet trips from your 14,000 watt blow dryer, there is another outlet in one of the bathrooms that has a reset button. This will control the GFCI protection in ALL bathrooms. You’ll have one or two in your garage that handle the garage and all exterior outlets. The kitchen has two “dedicated” GFCI outlets that may also handle one or two in the dining room.
That’s enough for this week, my short-term memory loss just kicked in!
I do remember a few things, however. So take these tips, and stash them away for when you need them. Just don’t forget where you hid your stash!
Jammed Garbage Disposal- If you hear that ominous sound of your disposal motor winding, shut off the disposal immediately. Look under your sink, or in your junk drawer, for the silver offset Allen wrench that came with the disposal. Unplug the disposal before proceeding. Insert the wrench into the hole at the very bottom of the disposal motor, and turn both ways to clear the jam. You can then reach into the disposal and pull out whatever caused the problem, usually a bottle cap or some other small metal object. If you don’t shut off the disposal in time, when you hear the motor winding, the built-in reset button will trip. This is a little red button right near the hole where you put the wrench. Simply press it in and you’re all set.
Stripped Screw Holes- Whether it’s a loose screw in a cabinet, a door hinge, or your handmade Indian Hookah pipe, the easiest way to perform this fix is with a little wood glue and a golf tee. Before you start, it’s a good idea to lightly rough up the golf tee so the glue will stick better. You can use sand paper or even an emery board. Squirt the wood glue in the hole (brown wood glue- not white household glue), jam the tee in the hole, and cut of the excess with a knife, and wipe off the excess glue with a slightly damp paper towel. Let it set up for 24 hours. It’s not a bad idea to pre-drill the hole, with a bit that’s slightly smaller than the screw, before re-securing the screw.
Plumbing Clogs- There are some clogs that require the help of a plumber, but many can be handled by the homeowner. Let’s say, for instance, you need to flush a large quantity of Oregano down the toilet, for some strange reason… Two quick and easy tricks to dealing with minor clogs call for nothing more than duct tape, and boiling water. Many clogs can be cleared by simply pouring a pot of boiling water down the drain. When using a plunger to clear clogs, put a piece of duct tape over the overflow hole on your bathroom sink or tub. This will help to give the plunger more “push”. When pushing the plunger, quick, sharp, pushes are most effective.
Non-Working Bathroom, Kitchen, Garage and Exterior Outlets- Some people might think that you’d have to be a real “stoner” to not know this, but you’d be surprised how many calls I get from people who don’t realize that the outlets in their bathrooms, kitchens, and garages (as well as some dining rooms) have GFCI outlets. These trip when there is a “ground-fault” (basically a short) and are a code requirement at all wet locations. If your bathroom outlet trips from your 14,000 watt blow dryer, there is another outlet in one of the bathrooms that has a reset button. This will control the GFCI protection in ALL bathrooms. You’ll have one or two in your garage that handle the garage and all exterior outlets. The kitchen has two “dedicated” GFCI outlets that may also handle one or two in the dining room.
That’s enough for this week, my short-term memory loss just kicked in!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
How to Treat a House Guest
It seems that I am nothing but a backwoods, unsophisticated hillbilly. This may come as no great surprise to those who know me, but I was unaware of it until my brother and his family came to visit last month.
You see, my brother resides in the great cultural bastion of Boston, Massachusetts. That’s right, Boston, home of the triple digit tax structure and the multi-billion dollar tunnel system that crushes unsuspecting motorists on a weekly basis.
During his visit, I was enlightened to the following shortcomings of my backward, yokel lifestyle:
My toilet paper is too rough- They prefer that new fangled quilted two-ply brand
My “homemade” pancakes are thin and flavorless- Whole Wheat flour, a pinch of brown sugar, and pre-whipped organic egg whites are preferred
I do not stock each and every room in my home with a fresh box of facial tissues- Poor guy was forced to blow his regal schnoz with the same one-ply that isn’t even fit for his also regal tush.
Our coffee is much too strong and you can’t buy light cream in this God-forsaken burg- 2% milk and half-n-half are for peasants.
Now that I’ve learned the proper way to treat house guests, I’ll do much better when he’s invited back (sometime in the year 2032), I thought I’d pass on some tips for dealing with your more discriminating house guests.
Have a Schedule - Take some time to put together an itinerary that fits the desires and capabilities of your guests. For instance; if outdoor trips to the Grand Canyon, Camelback Mountain, or any of our other natural treasures are in order, make sure your guests bring the proper footwear and other items of clothing. The red clay of Sedona is murder on Nordstrom’s Spring Collection.
Got Pate’?- Get an idea of your guests likes and dislikes before they arrive, and either stock up or plan a trip to the grocery store at the beginning of their stay. How was I supposed to know that the “little prince” was allergic to grilled rattlesnake? Next time I’ll remove the venom glands during preparation.
The Princess and the “Pee”- Make sure the sleeping arrangements are agreed upon before the guests arrive. We thought they would like the privacy of their own room, but we don’t have a guest room. Our daughter generously donated her room to serve as the sleeping quarters for my brother and his wife. What we didn’t anticipate was that our male cat sniffed their belongings and discovered that they also had a male cat. Thank goodness the “spray” got on their clothes and not on our new carpet!
Seven Days Make Me “Weak”- If you love your guests, you might just hate them after about seven days of them eating your porridge, sleeping in your beds, and whining about your choice of toilet tissue. If you happen to have any unresolved childhood issues with your guests, seven days should give you ample time to dispose of the bodies! Overnight trips, in the middle of the visit, can give all parties a bit of a breather.
So this concludes my list of tips for you, and therapy for me, on the topic of dealing with house guests, and the follies, foibles, and food phobias that they bring. May you all be so lucky…
You see, my brother resides in the great cultural bastion of Boston, Massachusetts. That’s right, Boston, home of the triple digit tax structure and the multi-billion dollar tunnel system that crushes unsuspecting motorists on a weekly basis.
During his visit, I was enlightened to the following shortcomings of my backward, yokel lifestyle:
My toilet paper is too rough- They prefer that new fangled quilted two-ply brand
My “homemade” pancakes are thin and flavorless- Whole Wheat flour, a pinch of brown sugar, and pre-whipped organic egg whites are preferred
I do not stock each and every room in my home with a fresh box of facial tissues- Poor guy was forced to blow his regal schnoz with the same one-ply that isn’t even fit for his also regal tush.
Our coffee is much too strong and you can’t buy light cream in this God-forsaken burg- 2% milk and half-n-half are for peasants.
Now that I’ve learned the proper way to treat house guests, I’ll do much better when he’s invited back (sometime in the year 2032), I thought I’d pass on some tips for dealing with your more discriminating house guests.
Have a Schedule - Take some time to put together an itinerary that fits the desires and capabilities of your guests. For instance; if outdoor trips to the Grand Canyon, Camelback Mountain, or any of our other natural treasures are in order, make sure your guests bring the proper footwear and other items of clothing. The red clay of Sedona is murder on Nordstrom’s Spring Collection.
Got Pate’?- Get an idea of your guests likes and dislikes before they arrive, and either stock up or plan a trip to the grocery store at the beginning of their stay. How was I supposed to know that the “little prince” was allergic to grilled rattlesnake? Next time I’ll remove the venom glands during preparation.
The Princess and the “Pee”- Make sure the sleeping arrangements are agreed upon before the guests arrive. We thought they would like the privacy of their own room, but we don’t have a guest room. Our daughter generously donated her room to serve as the sleeping quarters for my brother and his wife. What we didn’t anticipate was that our male cat sniffed their belongings and discovered that they also had a male cat. Thank goodness the “spray” got on their clothes and not on our new carpet!
Seven Days Make Me “Weak”- If you love your guests, you might just hate them after about seven days of them eating your porridge, sleeping in your beds, and whining about your choice of toilet tissue. If you happen to have any unresolved childhood issues with your guests, seven days should give you ample time to dispose of the bodies! Overnight trips, in the middle of the visit, can give all parties a bit of a breather.
So this concludes my list of tips for you, and therapy for me, on the topic of dealing with house guests, and the follies, foibles, and food phobias that they bring. May you all be so lucky…
Duct Cleaning???
(From an email I received)
I just received (as probably everyone in town has) an advertising from a "Duct Cleaning Service". In the advertisement it touts that they can clean my vents and returns, brush, vacuum and wash the duct with a special solution. Plus free deodorizer for $74.00 and guarantee it up to 6 years warranty. My husband says it is a scam and that the material used for the ducts will tear, perforate, and costs us more to seal the vent airways in the long run. I say that his problems with his allergies and asthma has increased due to us not having the vents and airways cleaned. What do you say?
Thanks
Kay
Kay,
If it sounds too good to be true...
I'm not familiar with this company, but I hear about this type of pitch every spring. Think about it: With today's gas prices and wages, how the heck can anyone do anything that will benefit you and your ducts for $74? This is the way these things usually go...
Repair Guy: Hello Mrs. Sucker, er, I mean Smith, let's have a look at those ducts. (5 minutes later) Well, surprisingly enough, I've got some bad news. It seems after doing eight and a half seconds of actual work, we discovered that you have a tribe of Cannibalistic Duct Dwellers living in your attic. There’s a lot of it going around. Not only have they infested your heating AND cooling system, they've also gotten a hold of your credit cards and are charging Omaha Steaks and Yoo-hoo! And, oh yeah, they’re what is causing your husband’s allergies.
Mrs. Sucker: Wow, that sounds expensive! Can you help me, kind sir?
Repair Guy: Why yes! Today is your lucky day! For the most reasonable sum of $695.99, I can sell you an extended warranty. It seems that the CDD's hate these things. Once you write the check they will move to your neighbor's house. But don't worry, I'll be stopping by there in just a jiffy!
Mrs. Sucker: Oh, you kind man, how can I ever repay you? Will you have my lovely daughter's hand in marriage?
Hopefully, you get my point. If your house is less than five years old, and you've faithfully changed your return air filters, there's no need to pay to have them cleaned. If they are dirty, I'd have a trusted local company look at them and give you their opinion. I've seen way too many homeowners taken to the (duct) cleaners by fly-by-night services. While I doubt the practically useless service they perform will tear your ducts, it will perforate you checking account
Regarding your husband's allergies, your money is better spent on electronic air filters- the type that is installed right into the system. Trane make an excellent product called "Clean-Effects" that works very well. Simply cleaning your ducts will do nothing to combat the dust, dirt, and grime that come from everyday living in the desert.
Bottom line, your husband is probably right, don’t waste your money. If he’s anything like most husbands, this is likely the first time that he has ever been right, so you should celebrate the occasion over some nice thick steaks and a cold chocolaty beverage of your choice!
I just received (as probably everyone in town has) an advertising from a "Duct Cleaning Service". In the advertisement it touts that they can clean my vents and returns, brush, vacuum and wash the duct with a special solution. Plus free deodorizer for $74.00 and guarantee it up to 6 years warranty. My husband says it is a scam and that the material used for the ducts will tear, perforate, and costs us more to seal the vent airways in the long run. I say that his problems with his allergies and asthma has increased due to us not having the vents and airways cleaned. What do you say?
Thanks
Kay
Kay,
If it sounds too good to be true...
I'm not familiar with this company, but I hear about this type of pitch every spring. Think about it: With today's gas prices and wages, how the heck can anyone do anything that will benefit you and your ducts for $74? This is the way these things usually go...
Repair Guy: Hello Mrs. Sucker, er, I mean Smith, let's have a look at those ducts. (5 minutes later) Well, surprisingly enough, I've got some bad news. It seems after doing eight and a half seconds of actual work, we discovered that you have a tribe of Cannibalistic Duct Dwellers living in your attic. There’s a lot of it going around. Not only have they infested your heating AND cooling system, they've also gotten a hold of your credit cards and are charging Omaha Steaks and Yoo-hoo! And, oh yeah, they’re what is causing your husband’s allergies.
Mrs. Sucker: Wow, that sounds expensive! Can you help me, kind sir?
Repair Guy: Why yes! Today is your lucky day! For the most reasonable sum of $695.99, I can sell you an extended warranty. It seems that the CDD's hate these things. Once you write the check they will move to your neighbor's house. But don't worry, I'll be stopping by there in just a jiffy!
Mrs. Sucker: Oh, you kind man, how can I ever repay you? Will you have my lovely daughter's hand in marriage?
Hopefully, you get my point. If your house is less than five years old, and you've faithfully changed your return air filters, there's no need to pay to have them cleaned. If they are dirty, I'd have a trusted local company look at them and give you their opinion. I've seen way too many homeowners taken to the (duct) cleaners by fly-by-night services. While I doubt the practically useless service they perform will tear your ducts, it will perforate you checking account
Regarding your husband's allergies, your money is better spent on electronic air filters- the type that is installed right into the system. Trane make an excellent product called "Clean-Effects" that works very well. Simply cleaning your ducts will do nothing to combat the dust, dirt, and grime that come from everyday living in the desert.
Bottom line, your husband is probably right, don’t waste your money. If he’s anything like most husbands, this is likely the first time that he has ever been right, so you should celebrate the occasion over some nice thick steaks and a cold chocolaty beverage of your choice!
Monday, February 5, 2007
Value Engineering- Today's Disposable Home
I’d think that if anyone could get a tract home built right it would be me. I was swinging a hammer before Ty Pennington had spit out his baby teeth and I’ve been making my living inspecting new construction for the last seven years. You’d think a guy like me would be the last person spewing the futile threats of a desperate new home owner into the deaf ear of Joe Customer Care. If you were to think that, you’d be thinking wrong…
Since moving into my dream house this spring, it’s been one thing after another. I’m not talking big things, mind you. During construction, I made frequent visits to the jobsite and structurally all is well. The little quality of life things is where today’s builders are dropping the ball. For every one “House Falls in a Fissure” headline story, there are hundreds of seething new home buyers spending time away from their busy lives calling, waiting, and fighting with customer care because of a bad light switch, poorly installed cabinetry, or a door seal that lets in more hot air than a political debate. Yesterday I spent (I’m not kidding) six and a half hours waiting for the second replacement for a defective garage door opener!
To some degree, it’s always been this way, but over the last five years it’s gotten much worse. The reason: Value Engineering. While this term is not familiar to the general public, it is quite common in the vernacular of today’s bottom-line minded builder. Remember the good ol’ days when your windows were trimmed with wood? Why use wood when drywall saves a few bucks a window? Did I say WOOD trim? Silly me! Most home builders, these days, use MDF (Medium Density Fiber) instead of wood trim. While MDF, is more environmentally friendly, at least from a conservation standpoint, the main reason it’s now used is because it’s much cheaper than wood.
Notice how the floor tile is butted to the baseboard molding? Value engineering! You see, it’s cheaper to trim the whole house and paint it before installing the flooring. The reason it’s cheaper is because the carpentry crew, painters, and flooring contractor only have to make one trip. The result of this short cut is that the grout that meets the baseboard is prone to cracking due to expansion and contraction. Because the grout is not flexible, it cracks. The builder may fix it in the first year of ownership, but after that they tell you its regular homeowner maintenance. When you’re on your knees grouting every other year, until the eternal planting, thank Mister Value Engineering.
If your home is less than four years old and has cultured marble bathroom sinks, go and look for the overflow hole. Actually, don’t bother because it’s not there. My understanding is that the sink manufacturers had a high incidence of “overflow failure” at the factory. Instead of coming up with a solution to the problem, they just did away with it. Ahh, Value Engineering Hall of Fame!
The overhead bedroom light fixture has been replaced by switched outlet. You want a light? That’s an upgrade. Back in the day, cabinets came with knobs. Today, that’s an upgrade. The standard interior paint job would barely pass for primer 10 years ago. Speaking of paint, ever notice that it’s almost the exact same color and sheen as drywall compound? You don’t think that’s a coincidence, now do you?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a businessman and I believe everyone deserves to make a fair profit. I just don’t get that new home prices have nearly doubled, in the last five years, and I can’t get a decent showerhead.
Since moving into my dream house this spring, it’s been one thing after another. I’m not talking big things, mind you. During construction, I made frequent visits to the jobsite and structurally all is well. The little quality of life things is where today’s builders are dropping the ball. For every one “House Falls in a Fissure” headline story, there are hundreds of seething new home buyers spending time away from their busy lives calling, waiting, and fighting with customer care because of a bad light switch, poorly installed cabinetry, or a door seal that lets in more hot air than a political debate. Yesterday I spent (I’m not kidding) six and a half hours waiting for the second replacement for a defective garage door opener!
To some degree, it’s always been this way, but over the last five years it’s gotten much worse. The reason: Value Engineering. While this term is not familiar to the general public, it is quite common in the vernacular of today’s bottom-line minded builder. Remember the good ol’ days when your windows were trimmed with wood? Why use wood when drywall saves a few bucks a window? Did I say WOOD trim? Silly me! Most home builders, these days, use MDF (Medium Density Fiber) instead of wood trim. While MDF, is more environmentally friendly, at least from a conservation standpoint, the main reason it’s now used is because it’s much cheaper than wood.
Notice how the floor tile is butted to the baseboard molding? Value engineering! You see, it’s cheaper to trim the whole house and paint it before installing the flooring. The reason it’s cheaper is because the carpentry crew, painters, and flooring contractor only have to make one trip. The result of this short cut is that the grout that meets the baseboard is prone to cracking due to expansion and contraction. Because the grout is not flexible, it cracks. The builder may fix it in the first year of ownership, but after that they tell you its regular homeowner maintenance. When you’re on your knees grouting every other year, until the eternal planting, thank Mister Value Engineering.
If your home is less than four years old and has cultured marble bathroom sinks, go and look for the overflow hole. Actually, don’t bother because it’s not there. My understanding is that the sink manufacturers had a high incidence of “overflow failure” at the factory. Instead of coming up with a solution to the problem, they just did away with it. Ahh, Value Engineering Hall of Fame!
The overhead bedroom light fixture has been replaced by switched outlet. You want a light? That’s an upgrade. Back in the day, cabinets came with knobs. Today, that’s an upgrade. The standard interior paint job would barely pass for primer 10 years ago. Speaking of paint, ever notice that it’s almost the exact same color and sheen as drywall compound? You don’t think that’s a coincidence, now do you?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a businessman and I believe everyone deserves to make a fair profit. I just don’t get that new home prices have nearly doubled, in the last five years, and I can’t get a decent showerhead.
Your House Is a Hot Dog
I was in ninth grade when I found out how hot dogs were made. After our science teacher explained (with much graphic embellishment) that your garden-variety hot dog was a combination of all the parts of the animal that couldn’t be used elsewhere, three kids got sick. I guess the fact that science class was the first period after lunch, on Wednesday, didn’t help. Wednesday was “hot dog day” at my high school cafeteria. Since that day, I never quite looked at good ol’ all-American hot dogs in quite the same way.
I left that class feeling like I’d been lied to by the Oscar Meyer Weiner Boy. That catchy jingle (Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner…), the bright red and yellow package, all the smiling, happy fat kids and skinny kids climbing rocks- never did they once mention intestines, snouts, and other “by-products”. If you think about it, that’s pretty similar to the new home buying experience here in the Valley. While a few valley builders are “100% All Beef”, I’m sad to say that many are all intestines and snouts.
Open your Sunday paper and you’ll see a gazillion happy people, proudly posing in front of their “American Dream”. Like most ad layouts everything is perfect, just like that golden ribbon of mustard, effortlessly across flowing down the side of a bronze and glistening tube steak, nestled in a golden baked bun. The house is just right, the family is just right, and effortlessly flowing across the bottom of the ad is a catchy tagline like- “If I were a (Fill-in-the-blank) Homeowner, Everyone would be in love with Me!” Makes you just want to sink your teeth in, don’t it?
Visit the model home complex and every single home looks like it came right out of Martha’s Place. Options galore, easy financing, and promises of Utopian living for all! “Act quickly, homes are going fast!” Who wouldn’t want a bite of that? It isn’t until construction begins that you see how the hot dog is really made.
It starts with the industry's construction standards. While they’re not terrible, they’re “minimum” standards at best. The enforcement is also minimal, by the AHJ (Authority Having Jurisdiction)and “let’s make a deal” is the prevailing philosophy when it comes to complaints filled against the contractors. Got a complaint against your local "McBuilder"? Good luck with that! The builders (and their massive and powerful lobby) deal the cards, make the rules, and are sitting on the pot.
Next are the municipal inspectors. They are overworked and outgunned, just like the AHJ that employs them. Ask a city or county inspector about his workload. He’ll tell you that he can, in most cases, only spot check the work. Some inspectors have been on record as admitting to having over 50 inspections on the daily docket. Do the math…
As a former construction super and independent home inspector, I’ve seen the inside of the hot dog factory. I’ve also been run off of construction sites by some of the biggest builders around. Seems they don’t always appreciate a non biased third party snooping around their product. Some builders will grudgingly tolerate a third party inspector, but we are still the Rodney Dangerfields of the equation. Even though there are a handful of independent inspectors fighting the good fight, less than 1% of new home ever buyers hire us. The prevailing mindset is “Hey, it’s a new house, why the heck do I need a home inspection”? The ones who do hire us are almost always second time “hot dog eaters”. Fool me twice…
If you take a look at the super overseeing the construction of your hot dog…er, house, chances are he or she is as fresh faced as the kids in that old Oscar Meyer commercial. It used to be that construction supers were crusty old-timers with a little bit of sawdust in their veins. Nowadays, the job is more often than not given to a kid right out of college. Give em’ a hardhat, a laptop, and dry erase marker, and presto! Most of their experience comes from a spoon-fed course of “Big Builder University”. Sprinkle in the fact that the sub-contractors are often the lowest bidders, and you have yourself a recipe for mediocrity.
For those of you that never have been down this road, you probably think I’m being a little too tough. For those that have, you know different. For what it’s worth, I still eat hot dogs. I just spend more time checking out the ingredients.
I left that class feeling like I’d been lied to by the Oscar Meyer Weiner Boy. That catchy jingle (Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner…), the bright red and yellow package, all the smiling, happy fat kids and skinny kids climbing rocks- never did they once mention intestines, snouts, and other “by-products”. If you think about it, that’s pretty similar to the new home buying experience here in the Valley. While a few valley builders are “100% All Beef”, I’m sad to say that many are all intestines and snouts.
Open your Sunday paper and you’ll see a gazillion happy people, proudly posing in front of their “American Dream”. Like most ad layouts everything is perfect, just like that golden ribbon of mustard, effortlessly across flowing down the side of a bronze and glistening tube steak, nestled in a golden baked bun. The house is just right, the family is just right, and effortlessly flowing across the bottom of the ad is a catchy tagline like- “If I were a (Fill-in-the-blank) Homeowner, Everyone would be in love with Me!” Makes you just want to sink your teeth in, don’t it?
Visit the model home complex and every single home looks like it came right out of Martha’s Place. Options galore, easy financing, and promises of Utopian living for all! “Act quickly, homes are going fast!” Who wouldn’t want a bite of that? It isn’t until construction begins that you see how the hot dog is really made.
It starts with the industry's construction standards. While they’re not terrible, they’re “minimum” standards at best. The enforcement is also minimal, by the AHJ (Authority Having Jurisdiction)and “let’s make a deal” is the prevailing philosophy when it comes to complaints filled against the contractors. Got a complaint against your local "McBuilder"? Good luck with that! The builders (and their massive and powerful lobby) deal the cards, make the rules, and are sitting on the pot.
Next are the municipal inspectors. They are overworked and outgunned, just like the AHJ that employs them. Ask a city or county inspector about his workload. He’ll tell you that he can, in most cases, only spot check the work. Some inspectors have been on record as admitting to having over 50 inspections on the daily docket. Do the math…
As a former construction super and independent home inspector, I’ve seen the inside of the hot dog factory. I’ve also been run off of construction sites by some of the biggest builders around. Seems they don’t always appreciate a non biased third party snooping around their product. Some builders will grudgingly tolerate a third party inspector, but we are still the Rodney Dangerfields of the equation. Even though there are a handful of independent inspectors fighting the good fight, less than 1% of new home ever buyers hire us. The prevailing mindset is “Hey, it’s a new house, why the heck do I need a home inspection”? The ones who do hire us are almost always second time “hot dog eaters”. Fool me twice…
If you take a look at the super overseeing the construction of your hot dog…er, house, chances are he or she is as fresh faced as the kids in that old Oscar Meyer commercial. It used to be that construction supers were crusty old-timers with a little bit of sawdust in their veins. Nowadays, the job is more often than not given to a kid right out of college. Give em’ a hardhat, a laptop, and dry erase marker, and presto! Most of their experience comes from a spoon-fed course of “Big Builder University”. Sprinkle in the fact that the sub-contractors are often the lowest bidders, and you have yourself a recipe for mediocrity.
For those of you that never have been down this road, you probably think I’m being a little too tough. For those that have, you know different. For what it’s worth, I still eat hot dogs. I just spend more time checking out the ingredients.
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