The Right Ladder Can Save Your Neck, and Maybe Even Your Marriage

I feel compelled to let you in on a dirty little secret about my wife. She’s short. While she struts around the town in her two inch plus heels, giving everyone the impression that she’s a towering 5 feet 4 inches, in reality she barely tops out at 5-foot-2. Shocking! Since I’m about a foot taller, her “shortcoming” has had some effect on our marriage. Being the loving and understanding husband I am, I’ve learned to “lower” my expectations and meet her halfway. That’s right, I bought her a step stool.

With the top shelf of our kitchen cabinet at about 86 inches and the pantry shelves even higher than that, the step stool has become a permanent fixture in our kitchen. We bought an 18-inch, solid wood, unfinished model, and stained it to match our cabinets. We store it under the kitchen desk, where it doubles as a seat.

An extra foot-and-a-half boost keeps my lovely bride happy and keeps me from having to get up off the couch every 5 minutes. Ahh…marital bliss!
Even a man of superior verticality, such as myself, needs a little lift every once in a while. With recess lights burning out, furnace filters needing replacing, and dying smoke detectors chirping in the wee hours of the morning, it’s a good idea to have a few ladders in your garage, or at least in your neighbor’s garage.

If I had to choose three, here’s what I’d purchase:
Step Stool- Get one that’s between 18 and 24 inches. Whether you go with one that looks like a piece of furniture or a fold-away type, is up to your taste. Just make sure it’s sturdy and supports the weight of the heaviest person in the house. Even a 2-foot fall can cause serious injury. If you’ve got a two-story home, get two. This will lessen the temptation to stack 14 encyclopedias because you’re too lazy to go downstairs.

Six-foot Step Ladder- I have a heavy duty fiberglass model that I bought almost 20 years ago. I made the purchase shortly after getting electrocuted while working on an aluminum ladder. Not only did it conduct electricity, but the leg buckled as I did the “sizzle dance” from the 60-amp shock. A good fiberglass ladder will have reinforced lower legs. Get one rated for 300 lbs just in case you plan to grow—this advice applies to any ladder you buy. A 6-footer will get you as high as 9 feet (or more if you’re not my wife).

24-foot Multi-Purpose- You might have seen the “Little Giant” infomercials, with that guy who hasn’t had to find a real job since Home Improvement went off the air (yes, I am jealous!). This baby is the Swiss Army Knife of verticality with more configurations than a Cold War era gymnast! It’s actually a great ladder, although somewhat pricey. Many of the big box stores carry a knock-off brand that’s cheaper and just as reliable. The multi-purpose can be turned a 24’ extension ladder, a 12’ step ladder and the above mentioned six-foot stepladder, just to mention a few of its transformations. The reason I recommend a separate six-footer is that the weight of the multi-purpose makes it impractical to haul out every time you need to change a light bulb.

Bad news for you home owners with really, really, highly mounted smoke detectors. If they are more than 18’ off the floor, you may need an even taller ladder. A 24’ extension does you no good if the smokie is in the middle of the room, unless you’ve figured out how to defy gravity. So, you can spend a ton of money on a bigger stepladder that you use once a year, you can rent one as needed, hire a handyman who owns one, or you can make friends with a really, really, tall person. That’s basically what my wife did. You might want to choose a slightly less obnoxious person.