Green and Lazy

Riddle me this: What’s green and lazy and never gets any respect from his publisher? Answer: Me!

Here I am once again late with my column, and Nadine is threatening to bump me for an article on Norwegian Origami. I mean no offense to all you Norwegian Origami enthusiasts, but I sincerely believe that I can tap out something that might appeal to a slightly larger demographic. Which got me thinking…

Being green is the “new millennium” thing to do. Whether you’re a Birkenstock wearing throwback from Haight-Ashbury, or a Yuppie Dink with a PHD and an SUV, it’s your job to help save the planet from ozone, non-biodegradable packaging, and overweight middle aged men who insist on wearing skintight Under-Armor athletic wear. Ok, maybe you just need to pick two of the three, but it’s your choice.

I have to admit that I’m a bit intimidated with all the new politically correct rules when it comes to being “green”. I think that part of this intimidation stems from my overwhelming desire to defend the self-absorbed and lazy side of me that I’ve worked so hard to nurture. I want to be green, but I don’t want it to hurt! I mean think about it, if we all held our collective breath for 35 minutes, we would reduce carbon dioxide emissions by 83 percent, AND provide a much needed food source for the endangered Canadian Corpse Worm. But that wouldn’t be much fun now, would it?

Here’s a short list of things you can do to help, without much hurt:

Refuse the plastic grocery bag! If you’re like me, getting a plastic bag is just part of the shopping experience, even if we don’t need one. I have made a conscious effort to say NO, when I have just a few items. I did a little experiment, and in just one week I consumed 18 less bags, just by not taking one when I had three or less small items. If you want to go a step further, carry reusable bags for the bigger shopping trips. Some stores (CHRISTINE- ADD STORES HERE!!!) even pay you a few cents for doing it.
Change to Fluorescent lights- While the old fluorescents used to have that harsh high school biology class light, the new ones offer different hues that are as comfy as grandma’s porch light (whatever!). I replaced 27 regular bulbs with fluorescents and I can’t tell the difference. The average household will save about $65 in five years for every bulb they switch. The newer bulb last about that long and cost around $3 each (less if you really look around). So, I’m going to save about $300 a year and lower my carbon footprint at the same time!
Remove the lids from your bottles- Many recycling plants are not able to recycle plastic bottles that have the lids screwed on. Make sure you remove them before throwing the bottles in the bin. Here’s an idea: Collect all the lids and make original “cap sculptures”. Try it, it’s more fun than Norwegian Origami!
Stop wasting water!- Did you know that one dripping faucet could fill Lake Michigan in just three days? Jeez, some of you will believe anything! But a dripping faucet, or over watering, or running the faucet while you’re brushing your teeth or shaving, all waste water. So do something about it!

None of the suggestions I made are all that difficult. Even if you just pick one, you’re helping. If you have other tips that are simple and make a difference, send them to me. It will help the planet and more importantly, help me write another article, thus keeping my publisher off my back. You do realize that “Nadine” rhymes with “mean”. Oh yeah, and “green”!